15 November 2009
Reader Response Forum
21/11/2009 03:45
Citizens Had Better Watch Where They Park
After running our story yesterday about the Wannabe Cop ticketing a truck in my driveway, the possible reason for such actions is beginning to emerge.
You see folks, city administration, carrying on with its misguided management thinking, hired a couple of extra bylaw officers this year.
And council in its infinite wisdom went along with the dastardly little scheme. The idea being that apparently administration convinced council the extra fines the two extra officers would generate, would more than cover the cost of the hiring.
Whoops, not so it would seem.
At a recent budget review meeting it was discovered that these two extra bodies not only were not producing the desired target fine figures, they weren’t even covering their own extra costs.
Now any properly run municipality would do the obvious and curtail the program and call it a failed experiment, but does city council do the right thing?
Of course they don’t.
Instead they ask administration to order a crackdown on an already overtaxed electorate and it is now thought the newly enhanced bylaw team is out in force preying on the residents of St. Albert for the tiniest of infractions in a desperate bid to raise funds to save face for an administration run amok.
So folks, you had better mind your Ps and Qs while out there in your neighbourhoods these days. Robbing Hood And His Merry Band Of Men want to reach deeper into your pocketbooks to have you pay for their mistakes. That’s right, if you are out in your neighbourhood loading leaves or whatever at 9:00 a.m. on a weekday morning, be sure you don’t have a wheel on a sidewalk, or you too will be slapped with a $60.00 fine. Unless of course you are a city photo radar officer who can park where they damn well please, destroying plants and making muddy ruts. Yep, that’s just fine and dandy because it too lines the pockets of the city.
It is a shameful and despicable situation when the real solution is to simply lay off the two extra officers and leave the tax burdened citizens of St. Albert the hell alone.
A Senior Pre-Nup Agreement
Now This Is Udderly Ridiculous
Letters To Santa Suspended By US Postal Service
21/11/2009 03:45
SINC SAYS:
Oh the humanity, they’ve cancelled Santa Claus.
It used to be that kids all over North America would send letters addressed to Santa at the North Pole and they would get a response from the elves in North Pole, Alaska.
But the US Postal Service now says, no damn way.
What happened to make them do such a dastardly deed?
Find out here.
Uh, About Those Cosmetics You Might Be Using
21/11/2009 03:45
SINC SAYS:
When women sit down to apply their make-up, there is likely little thought given to how it is actually produced.
But this lurid tale should make even the toughest of women shudder just a bit.
You see, since fat sells for nearly $4,000 a litre, it lead one gang in Peru to seek out more sources.
Oh, did I mention it’s human fat?
Yep, this crew has killed over 60 people for their fat and shipped it to cosmetics manufacturers in Europe..
I kid you not
91-Year-Old Man Catches, Holds Burglar For Cops
21/11/2009 03:45
SINC SAYS:
A young man in Florida found out the hard way that you just don’t mess with seniors.
While attempting a break-in the home owner awoke and nabbed the would-be crook.
The 91-year-old is a World War II vet and a Purple Heart winner, so there was no messing around with him.
He had his gun pointed right in the poor guys face.
That wasn’t the worst of it for the poor young guy though.
The old boy was stark naked.
Alcohol Protects Men’s Hearts?
21/11/2009 03:45
SINC SAYS:
Ya gotta love the Spanish after this study.
You see, they have concluded that men who consume large amounts of alcohol are those with the least chance of a heart attack.
And while not all critics agree, the evidence sure seems to support their theory.
I suppose this means I’m gonna live forever, but I digress.
Now, what about the effect on women?
Giving Birth On Your Wedding Day
21/11/2009 03:45
SINC SAYS:
While such events are not common, this one in Bulgaria was indeed unusual.
The bride went into labour and delivered a baby girl on her wedding day, but that is not the story.
The real story lies in who the bride was.
And more importantly . . .
Her age.
Reader Response Forum
20/11/2009 00:35
Taxpayers Respond To Mayor’s Reply
Hi Don:
The Mayor's response is predictable. At the Town hall meeting on the budget, one fellow spoke who has lived in St. Albert off and on since the 60's. He said St. Albert had high taxes each time he has moved back and the Mayor and Council of the time were singing exactly the same tune .... we need more business. Yet nothing has changed: the 90/10 ratio is the same now as it was then and we are even more over taxed.
The Mayor also keeps saying that we have better services and this justifies higher taxes. To a limited degree that is true, when one speaks of trails, and street plowing, and parks.
But I don't think that is the fundamental cause of the bloated budget we have. Rather look at the money pit that Servus Place is. It alone amounts to over $5 million in capital repayment and losses annually. That's almost 2% of total city expenditures. Then we see the debacle that was the refurbishment of Riel Park ... at over $28 million its 230-240% over its original estimate of $8.4 million. Add to this the poor decision to build Ray Gibbon Drive without having a signed deal with the Provincial government for funding. Or for building it in a highly sensitive environmental area. This is a huge addition to our debt and debt servicing costs. Look at staff levels which went up 52% in 7 years. Salaries increased faster, by 85%. This added $21 million to make a total salaries budget of $45.9 million, 35.6% of total expenditures in 2008. Add to this the purchased manpower embedded in "Contracts and Services" which went up by 97% to $18.1 million in the same period. 10% growth in population and 3% in dwellings don't justify these increases.
Nor did these types of expenditures improve services a whole bunch in comparison to 2002. For example, the public works folks still need an extra $1million in operating and $3/4 million in capital just to restore service levels to what they were in the past. So where is the money gone? Some examples of department expenditures 2002-2008:
- Planning and Development up by 276%
- Recreation and Parks, up by 230%
- Utility Services up 107%
- Transportation and Roadways, up 102%
- Protective Services, up 97%
It's only Council and the taxpayers vote that can stop the profligate spending by this administration. Council has an opportunity to step up to the plate next week on the off-site levy decision, or the taxpayer will have another $95.5 million of infrastructure spending downloaded on us to develop the annexed lands. This is despite Council's promise that the taxpayer would not pay for the cost of developing these lands. And we hope that Council will direct administration to decrease its spending. The Mayor will ask where? An answer .... require zero base budgets and you will probably find out!
Lynda Flannery
President
St. Albert Taxpayers Association
SINC SAYS:
Lynda, those increases are truly obscene, yet this mayor and council continue to defend an administration gone nuts with spending.
Bits ’N Pieces From Our Readers
Hi Don,
Saturday evening W5 did a segment about Lyme disease in Canada. In my opinion they did a great job. http://www.ctv.ca/w5
Just got an email saying that a young man contacted Canlyme www.canlyme.com because he recognized his rash as being like the one he saw in the show and went to emergency at local hospital, happens the doctor he saw had seen the show too, gave him antibiotics and the advice to contact Canlyme.
Now if only all doctors would watch the show perhaps there would not be any more people becoming chronically ill with the damn disease!
Anon
St. Albert
-----------------------
Don,
I have seen a newspaper report that the best selling household items in The U.K. are toilet rolls with the European Flag imprinted on each sheet. Can this be true?
How pro-Europe can they get?
Norm In The UK
Wannabe Cop Is On The Job
Welcome
to St. Albert!
A friend was over at our house yesterday morning doing some work in my back garage.
He backed his pickup into my driveway so he could load some equipment when leaving.
The pickup of course is long, so it stuck out over the sidewalk by the edge of the curb.
That’s when the Wannabe Cop showed up on our quiet crescent and slapped a $60 ticket at 9:41 a.m. on the truck.
Had The Wannabe wanted, he could have seen my friend working in the garage through the glass windows from where he stood to put the ticket on the windshield.
He could have tapped on the glass and given him a warning, but no, he had to use his “authority” and issue the fine for blocking a sidewalk that scarcely a handful of people a day use.
If you’re reading this Officer Wannabe, you missed the real crime happening on our street.
You see, you missed an abandoned car that has been parked, unmoved for the past month. (That’s a crime too. isn’t it?) Had you really been doing your job, you would notice things like that.
Or if you check closely, you’ll find a car with BC plates that has been driving here in Alberta for over two years now. (Last I checked, that too is a crime, or is it? It’s gone unpunished for 30 months now.)
Think you can come back and issue tickets for a couple of “real crimes”?
There’s lots more of it here in our quiet little corner of the city.
82 Year-Old Woman Beats Burglars With Broom
20/11/2009 00:35
SINC SAYS:
If you’re a burglar in Belfast you might want to consider not picking on 82 year-old women.
A couple of Irish crooks with no good intentions, found out the hard way that crime does not pay.
When you are confronted with a lady wielding both a broom and a Bible, what’s a crook to do anyway?
Find out here.
Could You Use This Toilet?
20/11/2009 00:35
You’re walking down the street in Houston and find
yourself in need of a biffy and you come across this
one. It looks good from the outside, but when you
open the door, you find it is one-way mirrored glass
and although no one can see in, you can see out.
Could you use this toilet?
Dog Survives After Falling Over Cliff
20/11/2009 00:34
SINC SAYS:
A man in the UK took his border collie out for a walk and a rabbit popped out of the grass.
The dog gave chase and the rabbit led the poor thing right over a cliff.
It was windy and cold and raining and the owner could not climb down to rescue his pet.
It’s quite a tale of the lengths rescue teams will go for an animal.
And it’s all right here with pictures.
High Lead Levels In Kids Toys
20/11/2009 00:34
SINC SAYS:
If you have young children or grandchildren, you might want to pay close attention to this item.
Especially if you bought those toys at Wal*Mart.
Yes folks, a study has concluded that lead levels in Barbie and some Disney toys far exceed safe levels for kids.
A complete list of the toys involved can be found here.
UFO Sightings In Eastern Nevada
20/11/2009 00:34
SINC SAYS:
Remember that US travelogue we ran back in May of this year?
One of those nights we stayed in Ely, Nevada which is where this tale takes place.
A lady had her video camera out about 60 miles north of Ely in the middle of nowhere, and I can attest to that first hand, having driven the route.
She takes video of strange lights in the sky at night and as usual, the camera work is very shaky. She is so excited she is shouting into the mike.
You can watch the video and read the yarn for yourself.
They’re out there, aren’t they?
Reader Response Forum
19/11/2009 05:32
Mayor Responds To Taxpayers Observations
SINC SAYS:
Yesterday in this space we shared information with readers compiled by Lynda Flannery, president of the St. Albert Taxpayers Association which outlined the massive spending increases by successive councils and the same administration over the past eight years.
It was a shock to me as a taxpayer to see the total spending increases which in many cases totalled over 100 percent while the city grew by less than 10 percent.
I asked the mayor for his comments on the observations presented and got this response:
Don,
Your readers are correct in that St. Albert is higher residentially taxed on average than any other municipality in the region or Alberta.
Depending on what services one wants to compare, one would have to comment on that. Whether it be RCMP per thousand population, road safety, crime, volunteer versus paid Fire, public transit, trails per capita, trees per capita, sidewalk km per capita, river valley costs, festivals, recreation facilities, recycling, by-law enforcement, etc., there would be a list of comparisons that are valid for some and not valid for others.
Some cities in the region and province have some of the above and some don't; some have aggressive repair plans on their roads, sidewalks and bridges and some don't; the list goes on.
Over the long haul, our policies and infrastructure and programs total more per capita than others in the region for home and part of a significant part of that formula is the fact that we do not have non-residential development compared to most to offset residential taxes.
Council has an obligation to attract non-residential and keep spending in control to the best we can.
Regards,
Mayor Nolan Crouse
City of St. Albert
SINC SAYS:
Stay tuned tomorrow for more from the St. Albert Taxpayers Association once they have had time to see this response from Mayor Crouse.
Taxpayers Notice Of Meeting And Executive Nominations
Hello all:
We are in dire need of help for the following positions:
Vice President (George Valan is stepping down)
Secretary (Pat Collins is also stepping down)
I will run again for President, and Cam McKay will run for Treasurer as Rob Hartley is stepping down.
Please let me know if you will consider letting your name stand for any of these positions. The election will be at our November 24th AGM/Business Meeting held downstairs at St. Albert Community League Hall, 17 Perron Street, St. Albert.
Attached is the AGM agenda for download here.
Thanks a lot for your participation in what has been and will be an eventful year.
Lynda Flannery
President
St. Albert Taxapayers Association
Jerks At PETA Are At It Again
19/11/2009 05:32
SINC SAYS:
Is there ever a week that goes by without those bone heads at PETA trying to pull some of their stupid stunts?
Their latest attempt was a real stinker.
You see, they wanted to place 3,500 pails filled with pig urine and feces on the steps of the capitol in Washington DC.
Yes, you read that right, 3,500 pails.
These folks are getting more absurd every time I read about them.
Stupid details are here.
Have Unions Outlived Any Real Purpose?
19/11/2009 05:32
SINC SAYS:
Our story begins simple enough with a 17 year-old trying to get his Eagle Scout badge.
He has an idea and offers to clean up a walking and biking path in Allentown, PA.
And he does a good job of it too spending nearly 200 hours making it look great.
But then, the local union, responsible for cleaning the path gets in the act.
And in an astounding display of uselessness and stupidity threatens to file a grievance against the kid for doing their jobs.
Pardon me? If they had done their jobs, there would be nothing to clean up, right? And to file a complaint against a kid trying to be a good scout?
Just one more instance that proves beyond doubt that unions have long outlived their purpose.
Pay your union dues here.
British Man Has Bionic Bowels
19/11/2009 05:32
SINC SAYS:
And now, from our “Things You Thought You’d Never Hear” department comes this yarn of a chap badly injured in a motorcycle crash.
When doctors tried to put him back together again, they managed to fix up all the damage except for one thing.
The muscles controlling his bowel movements were beyond repair, so he had to wear a colostomy bag.
But enter Steve Austin and his problem was solved with a remote controlled electronic device to allow him to go normally.
I have one of those remote control things on my car keys that will start the vehicle. Every one in a while it jams on something in my pocket and the darn car starts.
I hope his remote never jams when he least expects it.
Little Johnny's At It Again!
19/11/2009 05:31
A new teacher was
trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who
thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few
seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher
said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little
Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there all by
yourself!'
Reader Response Forum
18/11/2009 03:19
New City Tax Comparison Most Damning Yet
Click on graph to see
full size version.*St. Albert in this chart is a 0 percent as it is the divisor. For example, the chart shows that for the sample house, prices in Calgary were 120% lower than St. Albert, and in Edmonton they were 60% lower. *Source: City of Edmonton, 2008 Residential Property Taxes and Utility Charges Survey 2008, September 2009 (revised)
The November 14, 2009 St. Albert Gazette contained a front page article on how St. Albert property taxes compared with other local cities. Not surprisingly, it fared badly. However, our Mayor commented that the comparisons were not fair as the “average” was used. Not fair as other cities have a different stock of houses than St. Albert. Presumably this meant that St. Albert has newer more expensive houses on average than other cities. This “not fair” label has not stopped city administration from comparing St. Albert to other Cities when it suits them. They do so even though the services and service levels are different between cities. For example, Medicine Hat has a gas utility. Several cities operate electric utilities. Some provide their own police and transit drivers. All fund different programs differently. These numbers skew comparisons, for example the dollars spent or taxes per capita, or comparisons of staff levels etc. Yet the city goes blithely forward on the comparison trail.
So I thought I'd investigate the “not fair” accusation. The data used in the Gazette article came from a comparison study done by the City of Edmonton. I looked at the other comparisons in the data: the median comparator, or the sample house. The median comparator is the house right smack in the middle: 50% of the tax values for houses will fall above it and 50% below it. The sample house is 25-30 years old, single detached, 3 bedroom bungalow, double car garage, finished basement, 6,000 square foot lot in an average neighbourhood. If we compare apples to apples, then there should be no problem with the comparison. Unfortunately the apples to apples comparison does not show St. Albert in a good light either, nor does the median comparator.
The point is, these Statistics, regardless of which comparator you choose, show that St. Albert is spending resources and taxing its residents way too much. For example, In summer 2006, Riel Park was to cost $8.4 million--$1.4 million for environmental and $7 million to redevelop the park. Those costs have ballooned to almost $29 million, $7.65 for the environment and over $20 million for the Park. And the spending is likely to continue.
In the midst of
budget deliberations for 2010-2012, Council
added more spending potential at their
November 16 Council meeting. The Public Art
Policy came before Council. Administration's
Report said it had no financial implications.
However the Mayor moved to add 1⁄2 to one
percent to capital costs for public art when
St. Albert facilities are restored or
constructed. So if we build a new
administration building/library for $50
million then $250,000 to one-half million
dollars will be added to the costs for public
art.
The 10 year Public Works Plan was next, which for 2010 and following years needs over $1 million to meet the new service standards Council set in the summer, plus almost $3/4 million for capital. These new service levels get St. Albert Services back to where they were previously. Next up is the off-site levy debate, where Administration is asking taxpayers to shoulder the burden for developing the annexed lands.
Citizen input is critical. Unfortunately, we all have busy lives and this is difficult to fit in. If you can, let Council know of your concerns. The Taxpayers of St. Albert deserve better.
Lynda Flannery
President
St. Albert Taxpayers Association
Download the complete graph and file here.
SINC SAYS:
This has to be the single most damning document ever produced to show just how badly the city of St. Albert has been managed over the past eight years. Or is that mismanaged?
How any councillor with half a brain can even begin to defend such extravagance is unbelievable, isn't it?
If there ever was a reason to fire senior administration management, this is the just cause needed.
It is time for two things to happen. First, fire Robbing Hood And His Merry Band Of Men and second, force council to reign in spending immediately with a tax reduction for this budget year.
Ode To Forgetfulness
READER RESPONSE:
Don,
I had to laugh at the video you posted today.
The piece with the reading glasses - tho' I hate to admit it - is soooo me!
V.M.
St. Albert
Hang Up Your Christmas Lights Yet?
Many of my neighbours spend a lot of time decorating their houses for Christmas. And they were out in force on the weekend doing just that. Not to be outdone, I got my lights up as well:
Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome?
18/11/2009 03:19
SINC SAYS:
It’s hard to
believe a story of woman who has 300 orgasms
a day isn’t it?
Apparently she’s worn out quite a number of boy friends over the years.
Apparently she’s worn out quite a number of boy friends over the years.
No surprise there,
eh?
But she finally found a real man.
One who can keep up with her
How does he do it?
But she finally found a real man.
One who can keep up with her
How does he do it?
Funny, I Don't Remember Being Absent Minded
18/11/2009 03:19
God grant me the
senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I
do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered...
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned into prunes and all bran.
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
It Ain’t Over ‘Til The Fat Naked Lady Leaves
18/11/2009 03:19
SINC SAYS:
A couple in Des Moines awoke in the wee hours of the morning.
They were sure they heard foot steps in their home.
The man found a man asleep on his couch.
And the wife found a naked fat lady in her kitchen.
From there it gets strange.
That's Flying Under The Radar!
18/11/2009 03:19
A Navy F/A-18F Super Hornet crew got permission for a
low-level demonstration flight, as part of the
opening ceremony for a speedboat race on
the Detroit River. This is what it looked
like for Motor City residents:
This is the moment a US Navy pilot gave a shocked resident a very close look at his F18. The fighter/bomber streaked past an apartment block on the banks of the Detroit River at the weekend. It was part of a tactical demonstration fly-past to open a speedboat race in the North American city. Officials waived rules to allow the Navy flyers to swoop under 100 feet along the waterway.
One resident said, "I couldn't believe how low they flew and how close they came to our building, I'm sure the pilot waved at me."
The jets had flown in from the Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia to put on a spectacular show for thousands of spectators.
This is the moment a US Navy pilot gave a shocked resident a very close look at his F18. The fighter/bomber streaked past an apartment block on the banks of the Detroit River at the weekend. It was part of a tactical demonstration fly-past to open a speedboat race in the North American city. Officials waived rules to allow the Navy flyers to swoop under 100 feet along the waterway.
One resident said, "I couldn't believe how low they flew and how close they came to our building, I'm sure the pilot waved at me."
The jets had flown in from the Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia to put on a spectacular show for thousands of spectators.
Careful There Old Man, You Just Never Know
18/11/2009 03:19
SINC SAYS:
A man in his late 60s had a thing for young girls.
So, he frequented teen chat rooms on the internet.
He met a 14-year-old online and that’s when things started to go downhill.
You see, he had fallen into a trap because that young girl was not who she said she was.
But who could it be?
Reader Response Forum
17/11/2009 07:08
Mountain Ash Shows Off It’s Colour
The late fall sun shows off the colours of the berries on our neighbour’s Mountain Ash tree.
Municipal Budget Out Of Whack
St. Albert has a bloated base budget of about $128 million and wants to increase it by $4.7 million. In 2002 the cities budget was $63.1 million and we managed to provide basic services. Our city grew by only 10% and likely less than 1% in 2009. Our staff grew by over 50% and how many FTE's are hidden in the more than 150 casual staff the city employees.
The budget process only talks to the $4.7 M, not the $128 M. because that would raise questions about how that huge amount of money is spent. Are there inefficiencies? Are programs still effective? Should the priority of some programs be changed?
Look for inefficiencies. Couldn't the 50% more staff do the work let out to contractors? Why continue to let the fire department spend an extra $1M plus to have the same staff level when it no longer provides ambulance service.
In the Town Hall meeting, Councillor Burrows asked the question, “What services would you have us cut?” This assumes cutting services is the only way. A different approach is to revisit some of the “nice to have” projects that have been approved in the past “boom years” and ask can we still afford them. Do we need a Founders walk for $900,000, a ½ million dollar birthday party, $1.85 million to spruce up an elevator, $425 thousand washroom in Reil Park, $160 thousand for community recognition or $850 thousand to replace equipment in Servus Place?
And even in the proposed increases there are lots of tough questions to ask. Do we need to spend $3.8 M and $17.8 M on projects aimed at future growth, when we know our city growth is at a standstill. Can we stretch the life cycle for the $3.7 M for equipment upgrades and delay their replacement. Does the Arden really need $774,000 worth of work? Why spend $200,000 to landscape St. Albert Place? Why spend $1.3 M on IT when over $1/2 million is unspent for 2009. Do we need to spend an extra $5M on garbage trucks?
There are many more ways that the City could revisit its expenditures, but it seems lacks the will to do so. We asked Council to consider requiring a budget process so they could see how taxpayers money is spent and have better information for decision making. They declined and continue to look at the additions—the little picture, not the big picture of the total budget.
As taxpayers, we ask Council to provide us with the basic services we had in prior years rather than “nice to haves”. We want to see plowed sidewalks so our aging population isn't at risk, we want our trees and trail system maintained, along with our roads and water systems. Focus on these items in your budget deliberations and don't let the special interest groups monopolize the budget.
Lynda Flannery
President
St. Albert Taxpayers Association
SINC SAYS:
Lynda, where there is a will, there is a way. Trouble is, there is no will. The answer to all those questions is NO, we don't need to spend those funds. How any council can defend this kind of spending by an out of control administration is simply beyond me. How about you folks?
Remember The Honeymooners?
Can Anyone Use These Ink Cartridges?
When going through some cabinets left over from a recently closed business, I came across two new in sealed boxes, HP Tri-color inkjet cartridges.
If any of our
readers have a printer these will fit, send
me an e-mail and they're yours free, first
come, first served.
mybirdie@telus.net
Pee To Help Make Your Garden Grow
17/11/2009 07:08
SINC SAYS:
Finally something about gardening that can be fun.
Researchers in the UK are recommending that gardeners urinate on their plants to make them grow.
It kind of puts a whole new light on sitting on the back deck havin’ a cold one next summer.
Just think about it. No more running into the house, just stand up, walk a few feet to the flower bed or veggie garden and let ‘er fly. Well, better undo the fly first, but I digress.
And smile and wave at you neighbours while you’re at it. They’ll applaud you for watering your garden, expecially during water restriction periods.
P’sssst ladies, please be careful.
Let it all hang out here.
Housework Could Reduce Men's Fertility
17/11/2009 07:07
SINC SAYS:
Finally a valid reason to get out of helping around the house guys.
Research has shown that being exposed to certain electronic devices while they are turned on can be hazardous to your health.
Or rather, make that the health of your sperm.
So stay away from that vacuum cleaner and the microwave.
The dishwasher too.
What's With The Ostrich?
17/11/2009 07:07
This yarn com to us courtesy of old friend O.R. from
Nipawin, Saskatchewan who is always on the alert for
funny business. Thanks O!
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the Ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the Ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the Ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The Ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the Ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir.. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the Ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the Ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the Ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the Ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The Ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the Ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir.. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the Ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
Kids Views On Marriage
17/11/2009 07:07
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you
like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip
coming. - Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who
they're going to marry. God decides it all way
before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with. - Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
-
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the
person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE
MARRIED? -
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem
to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN
COMMON? -
Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them
to get to know each other. Even boys have something
to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies
and that usually gets them interested enough to go
for a second date. - Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-
When they're rich. - Pam, age 7
- The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't
want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7
- The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then
you should marry them and have kids with them. It's
the right thing to do - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
-
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita,
age 9
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T
GET MARRIED? -
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,
wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8
9.
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
-
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she
looks like a dump truck . - Ricky , age 10
UK Buffalo Beamed Up By Aliens
16/11/2009 05:06
SINC SAYS:
Well folks, here we go again bringing you the very latest from the UFO front.
A British farmer watched a UFO approach his neighbour’s field and beam up a buffalo. Er, or was it a horse?
He’s not sure, but he ran and got his camera and shot some video of the whole episode.
And par for the course, the shaky video is out of focus. What is it anyway about these new fangled video cameras that they won’t auto-focus?
You can see the whole thing for yourself here.
Tools Explained
16/11/2009 05:06
DRILL PRESS: A
tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your
hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the
freshly-painted project which you had carefully
set in the corner where nothing could get to
it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, shit!"
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SOB TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Rain In Spain Falls Mainly On . . . What Was That Again?
16/11/2009 05:06
SINC SAYS:
Direct from our, “What Was That Again” department comes this article from Spain that defies all odds.
It appears some do-gooder firm over there thinks they need to teach young people the art of “self pleasure’.
Yes, that’s right folks, they’re teaching kids how to masturbate.
And their using a hands on approach to do it.
You Just Don’t Get It!
16/11/2009 05:06
You gotta love our readers folks when they keep
sending us in smiles like this one from Linda Beier
over at LB’s Pub. Keep ‘em comin’ Linda, and thanks:
You
Just Don’t Get It!
Grandma
and Grandpa were watching a religious healing program
on TV.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed,
to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body
part they wanted healed.
Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV
and the other on her arthritic hip.
Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on
the TV and the other on his crotch.
Grandma looked at him with disgust: "You just don't
understand, you old coot. The purpose of this program
is to heal the sick, not raise the dead."
Albino Fawn In Kamloops Area
16/11/2009 05:06
A very eventful day around here. A once in many lifetimes experience!
I saw this lil' feller run out in front of a car, thought it was a lost baby goat. Stopped to get it, and WOW. A real Albino Whitetail Deer. Just hours old, but doing fine. No mother deer around. And other car nearly hit it in front of me.
Well, he is THE neatest thing any of us ever saw. And such a 'freak of nature', that only one in more than a million are even born.
He took his bottle of food, followed us around the house, doing great. So, we called wildlife officials, who are going to send him to a rehabilitation farm. Maybe he will make it in captivity somewhere and be appreciated.
So
rare. Sure wanted to keep him tho but, not the
thing to do. And not legal either, but,
here are a couple of pix to show ya.
He is snow white, pink eyes, ears,
nose and hooves. Kids called him Powder.
He is SO small. That is my shoe
lying beside him ... WOW ... how cool is that?
Reader Response Forum
15/11/2009 03:53
St.
Albert: Tax The Hell Out Of
Residents
Once
again and to no one's surprise, our city ranks
as the highest taxed municipality in the
region.
We're nearly double the rate of Fort Saskatchewan and
we’re probably not far from holding the Canadian
record.
Sadly, the mayor just doesn’t get it when he tries to
justify council’s folly by claiming, according to the
Gazette:
“You
can’t compare average tax. You have to have an apples
to apples comparison.
Crouse argues people continue to move here to take
advantage of those types of services and of the
city’s lower crime rate.
He said the city has more parks, more festivals, more
open spaces and lower crime than many of its regional
competitors and the tax bills reflect that.
"We are not just going to throw out services to get
taxes down. We are just not going to do
that."
Well Mr. Mayor, I’m gonna call bullshit on that
statement. Cities to cities are indeed apples to
apples. The sad fact of the matter is that we have
overspent and now suffer for it.
I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it again.
Until this council, or some council, had the cajones
to fire the city manager and his senior staff
(Robbing Hood And His Merry Band Of Men), we will
continue to have more and more taxes thrust upon us.
Sadly this council hasn’t got the guts to do it. It
is time we elected a council that will fix the
obvious and fire senior administration. They should
hang their collective heads in shame.
That leaves local taxpayers with but a single option
and that is to fire this city council and elect a new
one that will fight to reduce taxes and clean house
in the ranks of city management. October 2010 can't
come soon enough.
READER
RESPONSE:
Don,
Re: St. Albert: Tax The Hell Out Of
Residents.
I agree with your comments 100 per cent. Mr.
Mayor is so full of B.S. on this one, his eyes are
brown. In the
Gazette
article Crouse says, "We are not just going to throw
out services to get taxes down. We are just not going
to do that." This argument is the world’s
largest red herring. I defy Nolan Crouse to
list the services so wonderful and unique to St.
Albert, that other cities do not have, that he refers
to in the above statement that cause St. Albert to
have by far the highest property taxes in the
Edmonton Capital Region. Well, Mr. Mayor?
Jim Starko
St. Albert
The Sad State Of H1N1 Affairs
15/11/2009 03:53
A story in Saturday’s
Edmonton Journal had two small paragraphs that
caught my attention in a story concerning the
death of a child from the H1N1 virus. It read:
“Alberta is close to reaching the peak of the second wave of the pandemic, but should expect to see a third and fourth wave of illness in the winter and spring which could infect up to 30 per cent of the population.
To prevent further spread, vaccination clinics open their doors today to adults aged 18 to 44 with chronic health conditions, as well as household contacts of those who can’t be immunized, such as people with suppressed immune systems. The clinic at Bonnie Doon Mall, however, has permanently closed. The health region could lease the space only until Santa moved in.”
Where the hell are that mall’s priorities?
Malls live and die on the support of the shopping public, so one would assume a mall, any mall, would want to help out in a public emergency or pandemic. I think the H1N1 vaccination program qualifies, yet the government had to RENT the space in the aisles of that mall to hold their clinic?
And then to top it all off when the first child has died, the very same mall tosses the clinics out to make room for Santa Claus?
Shame on the mall and its management for both charging rent and closing the clinic.
Has the world has gone to hell in a hand basket with the Bonnie Doon Mall leading the way?
A Good Deed Recognized
15/11/2009 03:52
Don,
I just learned this. A group of young people from St. Albert Mormon church spent time on Remembrance Day cleaning up garbage, etc. in the military section of Beechmont Cemetery
What a cool idea.
Apparently they were quite interested in the ages of the
people interred there!
AG
St. Albert
SINC SAYS:
What a refreshing change from those young people who vandalize and destroy head stones. Well done!
Man Catches, Releases 233 Pound Catfish
15/11/2009 03:52
SINC SAYS:
A Brit on holiday in Spain had a bit of luck when fishing during his trip.
After 12 hours on the river, and right at dusk, the monster fish bit hard and he held on.
It only took him 15 minutes to land the beast too.
The biggest fish I ever caught was a 32 pound King salmon. Seems a bit dinky in comparison, doesn’t it?
Great picture of him and his fish here.
The Things You Find When Out For A Walk
15/11/2009 03:52
SINC SAYS:
Many times people out for a leisurely walk find things.
And people in the UK are no different. Or are they?
One chap out for a stroll in Blighty came across an animal’s head.
And that’s not unusual in any country.
Many folks here find old bones as well.
Except for one small thing.
The man found an . . .
Midget Throwing: A Lost Art
15/11/2009 03:52
SINC SAYS:
Some days all one can do is wonder how the hell things get started.
I mean who came up with the idea of grabbing a little person and tossing them across a bar?
And who was that brave little person who volunteered for that first attempt?
Or did he?
