November 19, 2017

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A UKRAINIAN'S LAMENT

By Don Hamaliuk

What does it take to be Ukrainian, only a Ukrainian knows
It’s all about our heritage and that beautiful Ukrainian nose
Our accents are all different, you can notice in our speech
It’s something that we’re born with, nothing you can teach

But if you ask a Ukrainian anything about their past
You’d better expect to listen, to a long and interesting cast
And everything we tell you, may be stretched out just a bit
We’re so proud of our heritage, our ancestors and our wit

Our food is so delicious and we love our poppy seed cake
One helping is sufficient, but we eat for goodness sake
When sickness comes a calling, we’ll have a body that will fight
And that’s why we eat garlic, to give sickness a faster flight

Be careful what you’re drinking, from the bottle with no label
One or two of those and you’ll fall backward under the table
Our music is so lively and we’ll dance throughout the night
When dancing all those polkas, being Ukrainian feels so right

Our breath may not be tolerable, just after when we eat
The cabbage and the onions, may bring you to your feet
But our music is so lively and we’re such a happy bunch
Stick around for every two hours and we’ll be serving lunch


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Sunday Morning Sex

Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.

It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.

"She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

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WEBBITS

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A roundup of bits from the web.

* Man gets so drunk he forgets selling car and reports it stolen.

* Lawyer offers to help distraught No voting Aussie couple to divorce.
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Calendar Of Festive Events

* Welcome in winter with a trip to the country. Dates: November 25 and 26, 2017
Christmas in the Heartland is a driving tour of eight unique venues steeped in tradition. Local halls and churches will be filled with artisans and crafters, ice carvings, nativity displays, sleigh rides, holiday caroling and more (Brookville Hall, Good Hope Hall, Moyer Rec Centre, Partridge Hill Hall, Bethany Lutheran Church, Josephburg Community Church, Heartland Hall, and Bremner House). More details.

* Christmas in the Country On Saturday, December 2, 2017 take a tour around the communities of south Strathcona County and join in the fun with Christmas craft fairs and family activities. Take the Self-Guided Tour. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. - Take a self-guided tour of the following venues. Vendors and concessions will be cash sales only. More here.

*
The St. David’s Welsh Male Voice Choir will present its Christmas Concert at 2:30 p.m. Sunday, December 10, 2017, at the historic Trinity Evangelical Lutheran Church, 10014 81 Avenue, Edmonton. Our choir will be joined by the Opus at 12 Concert Chamber Society and The Trinity Bell Ringers. Featured will be a traditional reading from Dr. Norman Thomas. Tickets are still just $15 and are available from choir members, or at the door. Website.

* 15 Holiday Light Displays You’ve Got To See In Edmonton And Area -
This year, there are magical wonders that await you on your drive through the city and beyond, searching for Christmas lights displays in Edmonton. Grab a few cups of hot chocolate for the family, bundle up in Pajamas and blankets and stay up late visiting some of our favourite Christmas Lights displays in Edmonton.

* Ice Castles Is Bringing Its Winter Display To Edmonton This Season. The massive “Narnia-like” ice castle will once again delight Edmontonians and visitors to the city this winter. Ice Castles, which has built castles across the United States since 2009, announced on Facebook it is returning to Edmonton for the third year in a row. Ice Castles has once again partnered with the City of Edmonton and the Silver Skate Festival to bring the winter attraction back to Hawrelak Park in Edmonton’s river valley.

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What If The VW Beetle Had Never Existed?

What If The VW Beetle
“It runs, and runs, and runs, and runs,” proclaimed a famous 1960s German advert for the Volkswagen Beetle. While the slogan was both a nod to the car’s reliability and its runaway global success, the ad-men behind it could not have guessed that some 50 years later, the scarab–shaped vehicle would still be rolling off production lines.

Although the new Beetle has been reworked from the ground up, it still draws heavily on the design of the original, a vehicle that is now as much a cultural icon as a mode of transport.

But suppose for a moment that the VW Beetle had never existed – would the world have missed this vehicle with the impish grin formed by the bonnet and bug-eyed headlights?

More on the BBC.

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